do what you want, be what you are

Oh bloggy blog, how I've missed you. I have neglected you for far too long, and it's time for some love and nurturing in the form of a brand new post. So much, yet nothing at all has happened in these past two months, so I won't go back and rehash insignificant details of life. Instead, I will tell you about my current obsession: Daryl Hall & John Oates' Do What You Want, Be What You Are box set. Four CDs, 74 songs, and a 59-page booklet with all the stories behind the songs. Pure happiness. I've only listened to and read about the first disc, but I've already heard songs I never knew existed, and learned about the sometimes-strange inspirations behind some of my favorites. For a long-time fan like me, this box set is amazing, and I've really fallen in love all over again. And for a casual fan, or someone who only knows their greatest hits, it will open up a whole new world of H&O to you.

No matter what mood I'm in, there is a Hall & Oates song I can relate to. They have written songs for so many different life experiences, about so many themes, and even 20 years later, these songs still resonate with so many people. They are still extremely relevant.

And so my love affair with Daryl and John continue. I can't wait to listen to all 74 songs in the set, and learn so much more about my favorite group of all time. Many may make fun of my so-called obsession, but I really think if more people went out and bought this brand-new box set, they too would be under the Hall & Oates spell. For a steal at only $35, you can order Do What You Want, Be What You Are here. I promise you won't be disappointed, but be warned: You just might become obsessed.

there's beauty in the breakdown

I finally did it. I broke down and entered my credit card number into the iTunes Store. And I made my very first purchase. It was Imogen Heap's Ellipse, and it cost me $12.99 for the brand-new, deluxe-edition, 26-song album. Since buying the tracks, and instantly receiving them, importing them into my library and uploading them onto my iPod, I have been listening on repeat. Her music is so interesting, as is her voice - not like anything else out there right now. The entire album is both uplifting and haunting, if that's possible. Plus, my deluxe version includes all the regular songs sans lyrics - 13 completely instrumental tracks. Love.

So now that I've bought my first iTunes album, I'm afraid I won't be able to stop. As I browsed the store, I found artists and songs I wanted; I needed. And since iTunes uses "1-Click," it's just so darn easy to buy buy buy. And then I'll be broke broke broke.

It's a good thing I have restraint, because I could have easily bought 5-6 albums within 5-6 minutes last night. But I didn't. And I decided to set a limit: I will only allow myself to purchase one album per week at the most. Spending almost $50 a month on music is still a lot, but it's music - new music. And I love music. Music helps narrate my life, and I'm definitely due for some new narration.

world cookie domination

My Nanny absolutely loves red velvet cake. Personally, I've never understood the appeal - cake with red food coloring and cream cheese frosting (that I don't particularly like, anyway). What's the big deal? But since I love my Nanny, and want to bake something she'd really love, I decided to take the plunge into red velvet. Of course, since cookies are my forte, I had to take the beloved red velvet cake, and turn them into cookies somehow.

I found a few red velvet cookie recipes online, but only two that were from scratch - one from Paula Deen and one from Rachael Ray Magazine. I sort of combined these two ideas, made some lower-fat substitutes and came up with my own version of these recipes. My take on this classic doesn't have any icing or frosting, but you could definitely frost these with some homemade cream cheese frosting, if that's what you're into. Personally, I think they are just delicious on their own. Here's my cookie-loving take on red velvet cake:


Red Velvet Walnut Cookies

*makes 18-20 large cookies

1 1/3 cups flour
2 tablespoons cocoa powder
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
3-4 handfuls chopped walnuts (or pecans)
1/4 cup unsalted butter, softened
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
2 tablespoons 1% milk
2 teaspoons apple cidar vinegar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 tablespoon red food coloring

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.
2. Mix together flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, baking soda, salt and chopped nuts
3. Cream together butter and sugar until light and fluffy, about 2-3 minutes. Add eggs one at a time. Then beat in milk, vinegar, vanilla and food coloring. Once combined, add the dry ingredients to the wet. Mix until throroughly combined.
4. Drop batter onto greased cookie sheets by tablespoonfuls - batter will spread, so leave space between cookies.
5. Bake 10 minutes, until a toothpick inserted in the center of cookies comes out clean. Cookies should be light and cake-like.
6. Cool on wire rack and enjoy!

sick sickly

I went on vacation and came back with the flu. Is it swine flu? Could be, but I have no idea, nor do I care to know. All I know is I have been sick for a good 12 days. It all started with a sore throat while I was in Puerto Rico two Tuesdays ago. Then the sore throat was replaced by clogged ears and a very stuffy nose. Luckily, I didn't really feel too sick while on my vacation - just had the symptoms without feeling run-down or overly "sick." I came home last Saturday after sleeping about two hours Friday night due to awful sinus pain. I really did have an amazing time in Puerto Rico with Vic, but at that point, I was ready to be home. I think the plane ride back got me re-sick, if that's possible, and after starting and finishing medication and still only feeling worse each day rather than better, I realized this was not good. I woke up Thursday morning with a body-aching, chill-inducing 101 fever and decided the doctor, not work, was where I was headed.

I haven't really beed sick in a while (knock on wood), but this has certainly been a doozy. After being stuck in the house, and mainly stuck in my bed, for three full days, I had to get out for a bit today. Luckily, I woke up this morning without a fever, which was a great sign. After showering and actually doing my hair, makeup and getting dressed, I was nauseous and exhausted. Not a good sign. But I rested a bit, and went out for just an hour or so. It was good to get out. I needed to get out. And tomorrow, I will attempt to get back to work. Wish me luck!

flashing back

As I was driving into work this morning, I had a very intense, very realistic flashback. I was so entranced in this vision, this reenactment of a past time, that before I knew it I was just an exit away from where I usually get off the highway. I guess while driving isn't exactly the best time to have such a lifelike flashback, but lately, my dreams and reality are getting completely mixed up. I find myself unsure of whether something actually happened, or if it was just a dream.

Today's flashback was of getting off the airplane at JFK at the end my Birthright trip to Israel. Actually, it was first being on the plane. Feeling so exhausted, mentally and physically, that I felt almost drugged. Everyone around me was dozing in and out of sleep, and I found myself not being able to keep my eyes open for very long at all. I found time to write down some thoughts and share those with Rachel and Jeanine, but we all didn't speak that much throughout the long plane ride. So many days running on three-hour-of-sleep nights was finally catching up to us. So many days of learning, of exploring, of overcoming fears. So many days of melting in the desert heat. So many days of epiphanies; of life-changing moments. Finally weighing down on us.

Then my flashback jumped to walking through the airport after getting our luggage; our luggage that had taken this journey with us, thrown around, squished into buses and carrying just some of our memories. I saw everyone's parents and relatives waiting for us to meet them. Most of them knew we were changed from this trip; others were completely unaware. My mother ducked under the flimsy barrier to hug me as tight as could be. She couldn't wait to grab hold of me, knowing I was safe, knowing I had a million stories to tell. Not knowing I would be unable to fully explain what this journey was for quite a long time, if ever.

I think we were all in shock. We went our separate ways, not knowing how to end this trip, not knowing how to say goodbye. We had experienced so much together in such a short period of time, and now it was all over. I hugged my friends, old and new, and walked away. I was exhausted. I was overwhelmed. I didn't know when I'd see these people again - if I'd see these people again. I didn't know if it would ever be the same. And I certainly didn't know if I'd ever be the same.

Now, it's over a year later, and I'm still unsure. I'm flashing back to those memories quite often - not wanting to forget them, but not exactly sure what to do with them either.

reflections, part 3

An excerpt from my Birthright journal: Day 9 - Saturday, June 21, 2008

"Today was yet another incredible, once-in-a-lifetime experience. Ali G., Jill and I walked to the Goldenberg family's apartment to spend Shabbat lunch with them. David Goldenberg was a Rabbi, but for English-speaking beginners in Judaism. They were an older couple with a family friend. They fed us a five-course meal that was really great. We talked and asked and answered and really learned a lot. Also, it was a ton more walking (and sweating). We got back to the hotel after three and a half hours of lunch, and got to swim a little, then get ready for the evening.

We went to Ben Gurion Street which was SO much fun, just hanging out, shopping, drinking on a street filled with people and excitement. Then we headed to a bar/club that was pretty small, but was literally the most fun I've had in a long, long time. Everyone just danced and was dripping in sweat, and it didn't matter. Matt and I tore up the dance floor and just really had the time of our lives. Everyone was just dancing with everyone, and I can't imagine a more perfect night out. Of course, getting everyone to leave was tough, especially since most of the soldiers had come out to meet us, so no one wanted to say goodbye. The bus left without several of our group members, including Rachel and Jeanine. Bev stayed behind to round the rest of the gang up, and head back to the hotel via cab. I was locked out of our hotel room for a little bit of time, but soon the girls made it back, just to leave to go downstairs with a bunch of others. They came back after raiding the hotel kitchen, and I can't even describe the scene of the two of them, olives quiche, bread and eggs in hand, bursting into the room. They are too funny and fun, and we had a fabulous night that I wouldn't mind having every weekend."


This day last year was jam-packed, as evidenced by this excerpt from my journal. I remember that lunch with the Goldenbergs like it was yesterday. It took us a long time to walk to their apartment, and we got lost more than once. We asked someone in the community if they knew where the street was, and they actually knew the Goldenbergs themselves. How nice to belong to a community where people know you by name even several blocks away. Another distinct memory of this lunch was that David Goldenberg called us by our Hebrew names, which was really just a little detail, but meant a whole lot.

The evening portion of June 21 was just as memorable as the day, but for very different reasons. The daytime was all about learning and culture and community and Judaism. The evening was pure fun and enjoyment. The energy on Ben Gurion Street was incredible - so many young Israelis and Americans, just having fun and being together. It was great that we were able to meet up with our new Israeli friends, who had to leave our trip a few days earlier. Really, the bar was very claustrophobic for me, and at first I wasn't sure how much I was going to enjoy it, but once I just let go, and took a deep breath, I ended up having the time of my life. In that moment, I had no worries; I had no cares. I forgot about the extreme lack of sleep; I forgot about my fears. And there was nothing better than just dancing the night away with 30 of my friends, singing and sweating and laughing and living truly in the moment. If I could live that night over again, I would, and I'd do it exactly the same.

reflections, part 2

On June 16, 2008 I had one of the most adventurous days of my entire life. I was in Israel, having already experienced more than I had ever imagined in just three days of Birthright. We began the day visiting a Kibbutz on the Israel/Lebanon border, where we listened to a passionate speaker talk politics. The Hezbollah community on the other side of the fence had houses without windows. We were told they were built this way so they could be easily shot out of. There was no activity in the community - very few cars drove through; no people were seen.

We then went on a water hike - I've never hiked in my life, nevermind through a river, over rocks and around trees. It was a challenge - one of the first of the trip, but certainly not the last. The rest of the day was spent jeeping through the dusty desert and kayaking, which was not so much kayaking as it was floating and swimming down a river. I definitely spent more time in the water than in the raft, but we had a total blast - the boys jumped from raft to raft pushing the girls out, we collided with a group of young Israeli girls who tried to push us as far away as possible, Matt & Adam smoked cigarettes with older Israeli men in an adjacent raft, they swung from a tree landing with a splash in the shallow water. This "kayaking" was by far one of the most fun activities of the entire trip, where we all really bonded with one another - a truly important part of this trip for most of us.


It took us hours to get down the river, and once we made it to the end we were soaked, exhausted and happy. We did our best to get cleaned up, dressed and ready to go out in a very cramped camp-style bathroom/changing area. We had dinner in Tiberias, where we rejoiced to see french fries and pizza, along with the typical cucumber/tomato salad and hummus. After we devoured everything in sight, we went to a nearby outdoor bar right on the water in Tiberias, where we drank wine and danced the night away.


We headed back to our resort-like hotel in Hispin, where we all got into pajamas and sat outside, sharing stories, further cementing our strong group bond. It was nice to be able to laugh together, as well as be serious, having some very deep conversations about Judaism; about life. Matt and I went up to the roof of one of the hotel buildings, where the word "peaceful" could not even begin to describe the atmosphere. Everything was so still, so simple, so perfect. I remember feeling incredible in a truly indescribable way. And I felt an odd comfort in knowing these feelings were shared by and with someone who I felt I had known my entire life, yet was a stranger just days earlier.

In my journal that night I wrote, "I feel happy and proud and fulfilled." It was only the fourth day of my trip, yet I had already learned so much about myself, about my new friends, about community, about connection. And there was so much more to come.