mia

I've been extremely missing in action lately - not just in the blogosphere, but in life as well. I find myself zoning out, thinking way too much and just being absent from life. And honestly, I don't like it.

I realized this for the first time on Sunday while I was on a date. This date wasn't too bad for the most part - we met in the city, went to the Dali exhibit at MOMA, got some coffee and walked around Central Park. Nothing spectacular, but not awful as far as dates go. However, the date made a horrible turn for the worst when this guy, who I met on Jdate (yes, I'm on Jdate - and not ashamed to admit it), drove me to a random street corner on the upper east side and pulled over. He told me he thought I could get on a subway there and find my way back to Penn Station where I had to catch a train back to Long Island. He gave me a really hard time when I asked if he could drive me back to Penn Station instead, since I wasn't comfortable getting on a subway I've never been on before, so I felt guilty for pushing the idea any more. After sitting in the passengers seat and complaining for a few minutes more, I said "thanks for leaving me in the middle of no where" and got out of the car. Was he serious? Was this really happening? He's going to come running out of the car behind me, say he's just joking and make me get back in, right? No. Tell me: Am I totally out of line being mad and upset over this? I don't know, but to me, even if you didn't have a good time on the date, the decent and gentlemanly thing to do would be to drive me back to Penn Station when I said I felt uncomfortable going on this random subway (which didn't bring me straight to Penn Station, I must add). Maybe I was just expecting too much - you tell me.

Anyway, during the date (before it went horribly wrong), while we were sitting on a park bench he asked me, "Are you usually this awkwardly quiet?" And it sort of hit me - I was being awkwardly and uncharacteristically quiet. I found that I wasn't my usual talkative, bubbly self. Maybe it was him, but I'm more inclined to believe that normally I could blabber on to a brick wall, so it must be me. It made me feel upset and confused. Why am I just not myself lately? And how can I snap out of it?